I can remember as a small child wondering if I would ever have the desire to dedicate a large portion of my life to contributing to a world I knew not all that much about. To what did I owe anything? The concept of working for money was something I had learned, but could have never really have understood at that age.
I can even better remember that as a teenager I had a huge desire for money. I had it in my mind that I would have to be extremely wealthy to meet my life's goals. While that was my goal, I had no idea how I was going to achieve it. I felt as if it was unfair that most people become incredibly rich by circumstance or by participating in a lot of difficult and time consuming work. Rich by circumstance was something that could not be guaranteed, and time consuming work is anything but appealing to a teenager that spends most of his time playing computer games and trying to find the next big party to attend.
New thoughts began to stir in my mind after I had graduated high school. It suddenly became optional to participate in the world around me. It became optional to participate in activities that would put me in a direction that would ultimately lead to my contribution to society. This was a huge conflict for me since I wasn't entirely sure it felt right. I began to question the dollar and its ability to provide me with the things I really wanted in life. What was important to me? What granted me happiness? I wondered if those people that live out in communities that rely on nothing but themselves where crazy and somehow misled, or if they were perhaps on to something. Fortunately, I'm not much of an extremist and did not decide to leave everything behind without at first taking a break from things to figure out what it was I wanted to do.
So here is where my thoughts on the matter are now... and like most things I bring up in this blog, I am not really leaning so much one way or the other. Rather than finding a sort of middle ground that keeps me content. It became necessary for me to accept the fact that I will always question whether or not my contribution to society is something I wholly wish to do. While I do believe that contribution to my fellow man is a good thing, I will never be certain that the ways for me to do so that have been laid out before me, are the best ways to go about it. I've also realized that it can only ever hurt somebody to be spiteful of anything. So if I were to simply avoid finding my niche in the world only because I had felt that it would mean I was "giving in", I would be doing so meaninglessly. Or would I?!
It is somewhat of a dilemma to me that I can not quite figure out if happiness is achieved through the freedom of duties or from the attachment to a duty. I can see how happiness could come from both of these situations. Freedom of duties would allow you to feel as if you owe nothing. To completely let go of all of your duties and simply survive by your own means. It isn't necessary for me to spell out why that would create a feeling of happiness. On the other side, to have a duty, gives you a sense of being needed by others. There is less loneliness, more security, and so forth. It also isn't necessary for me to explain why this would create a feeling of happiness.
So here is my conclusion that never contains a solution to the seemingly problematic situation I unfold before you. It is necessary to find a duty in life that contributes to the world around you. This will provide you with security most importantly and the ability to feel purpose for those other than yourself. At the same time, you must not dedicate your whole being to your duty. If you do, you will lose your value to yourself. You must at all times acknowledge that you owe nothing except that of which you are willing to give. In doing so you can perhaps live a fulfilling and wonderful life! ::cough::
